Is your baby starting to become upset every time you leave the room? At 6-9 months old, she has developed Attachment and Trust with you, and because she has a stronger preference for adults who give her consistent care, she may become increasingly upset when you leave her side. Your baby may also fuss and turn away from unfamiliar people, such as a new daycare provider or babysitter. Don’t worry; at this age, separation anxiety is common.

The reason your baby may become anxious when you leave now is because she is starting to understand the concept of Object Permanence.¹ Founded by Swiss developmental psychologist Jean Piaget, Object Permanence is the understanding that objects still exist even if they cannot be seen. While young babies believe that objects simply disappear if hidden or removed from sight, by 8 or 9 months old they begin to realize that objects continue to exist.² She doesn’t always like it though, since, for example, she doesn’t know when you’ll be back! All she knows is that “you’ve disappeared, and [she] will do whatever she…can to prevent this from happening.”¹

Separation anxiety may be frustrating, but it is also a sign that her attachment to her primary caregivers is increasingly secure. You’ll recognize this stronger attachment when she looks in your direction when you speak, returns your smile, watches your movements, or observes what you are watching.⁴ By continuing to meet your baby’s needs in a swift and loving manner, he will more securely attach to you and gain confidence to strike it out on her own from time to time. It is worth noting that securely attached babies are more communicative, curious, and adaptable, all qualities that will serve them well as they develop into self-assured, successful adults.³

While witnessing your baby’s tears and crying is difficult every time you leave her, separation anxiety is actually a positive step towards her independence. The cause of this anxiety is the understanding that she is an individual person separate from you, and that when you are gone, she is responsible for figuring out how to get her needs met. Your baby attaches closely to you because you make her feel safe and secure, and she knows that she can rely on your protection and support.⁵ As she starts to see how big (and sometimes scary!) the world around her is, she will naturally want to cling to those who have sheltered and protected her from day one, namely mom and dad. But rest assured, with continued loving care and a consistent schedule, she will learn to trust that you will return to her side.⁵

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Play Tips:

Do you want to know how you can support your baby’s development of these Attachment and Trust and Object Permanence skills at this age? It’s easy! Read on for some simple tips to incorporate into your daily play time together.

1. Offer familiar toys and blankets for comfort.⁶ Your baby has come to rely and depend on what and whom she knows best. So, she may now become scared of an unfamiliar object or situation. Give her a security blanket or favorite doll to help her feel connected to something familiar, and therefore safe and secure.
2. Speak calmly and directly to your baby when she is distressed.⁴ Soothe your baby’s separation anxiety by talking to her in a soft, gentle tone with reassuring words and caresses. Let her know that you need to leave, but will return before too long. Be sure to make eye contact and speak directly to her so that she understands you are concerned about her and want to address her needs.
3. Play “Peek-a-Boo” with your baby. When you leave the room,  she may cry because she does not know that you still exist out of sight. Prior to understanding the concept of Object Permanence, young babies believe objects or people just disappear when they leave their line of sight.² To assure your baby that you will come back after you leave, help develop her understanding of Object Permanence with games like “Peek-a-Boo.”
4. Plan to leave your baby when she is not in need. Understand your baby’s daily routine and plan your departures so they are not close to feeding or sleeping times, or any other potentially difficult time. When you do leave, let her know that “mommy and daddy will be back soon.”
5. Stay calm and positively reassuring when you separate. Infants are extremely tuned in to the emotional state of their caregiver. The best way to make your baby feel confident about a new situation is to exhibit that confidence in yourself and help her handle her worries in a positive way.⁷ A good example of this is when you drop her off with a sitter or at daycare. Give a hug, a kiss, and say “Goodbye, I’ll see you in a little while.” If you linger, act distressed, or react in a big way to your baby’s distress, such as repeatedly saying, “There’s nothing to worry about, you’ll be just fine,” you are actually confirming her fears.⁸

Developmental Milestones:

Has your baby achieved the following Attachment and Trust and Object Permanence  yet? If yes, check off all the skill(s) she has already mastered to date using Playful Bee’s developmental milestones tracker. It’s absolutely FREE and easy to use, just click HERE!

• Clings to familiar adults.
• Cries when mom and dad leaves.

(SPECIAL OFFER: Sign up for Playful Bee’s Bee Well developmental learning program to give your baby the best start in life. The first 10,000 children enroll for FREE! Sign up today.)

Sources:

¹Pendley, Jennifer Shroff (2012). Separation Anxiety. KidsHealth. Retrieved February 11, 2014, from http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/sep_anxiety.html.

²Baillargeon, R; DeVos, J (1991). Object permanence in young infants: further evidence. Child Development 62(6), 1227–46. Retrieved February 11, 2014, from http://internal.psychology.illinois.edu/infantlab/articles/baillargeon_devos1991.pdf.pdf.

³Sears, William, M.D. and Sears, Martha, R.N. (2001). The Attachment Parenting Book. New York, NY: Little, Brown and Company.

⁴Maryland State Department of Education (2010). Healthy Beginnings: Supporting Development and Learning from Birth through Three Years of Age. Retrieved February 3, 2014, from http://olms1.cte.jhu.edu/olms/tmp/file/Healthy%20Beginnings/Healthy%20Beginnings%20Book_2015-Updated-Final.pdf.

⁵Psychology Today (2006). Separation Anxiety: Definition. Physcology Today. Retrieved February 11, 2014, from http://www.psychologytoday.com/conditions/separation-anxiety.

⁶Delaware Department of Education (2010). Delaware Early Learning Foundations: Infant/Toddler. Retrieved February 3, 2014, from http://www.dhss.delaware.gov/dms/epqc/birth3/files/deinfant_0211.pdf.

⁷Gellens, Suzanne R. (2013). Building Brains. St. Paul, MN: Redleaf Press.

⁸Ben-Joseph, Elana Pearl (2013). Questions and Answers: How Can I Help My Toddler with Separation Anxiety. KidsHealth. Retrieved February 11, 2014, from http://kidshealth.org/parent/question/emotions/separation_anxiety_toddlers.html?tracking=P_RelatedArticle.

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Playful Bee is an e-Preschool that delivers inquiry-based preschool learning from the classroom to your home. Our preschool curriculum was created by our talented team of rock star teachers. With years of hands-on preschool and Kindergarten teaching experience, they've developed a high-quality preschool experience that is convenient-to-use and easy-to-teach by you, grandparents, or your nanny at home.

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