Unless a person is a hermit, most human beings need to cooperate to get through life. There are many benefits to cooperation, including stronger bonds with others and being more successful in school and life.¹ While this is a skill that develops throughout childhood (and sometimes adulthood!), it begins when your child is a toddler. Cooperation is defined as a person’s joint effort at “give and take” that is satisfying to all people involved.^2,3 Although your child may be showing signs of readiness for cooperative play or group play, such as being interested in what nearby children are doing,⁴ he is just starting to become familiar with the concept of Cooperation at 18-24 months old.

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Your Toddler’s Developing Cooperation Skills

At 18-24 months, children are still primarily egocentric and self-interested,⁵ yet they are starting to take a real interest in what other people are doing and how they feel.^6,4 During group play time, your child will still be primarily engaged in parallel play, where he may sit next to and copy another child by playing with similar toys or activities on his own.^7,8 Therefore, it is not uncommon for him to stand on the sidelines at this age, watching other children climb on playground equipment for awhile before deciding to climb it himself. He may choose to play next to other children, but only talk to them if he wants to play with their toys.^4,9 Or, he may simply imitate other children’s actions as he observes a few feet away.⁸ You may notice that when others approach him to play, he may flat out refuse at this point because he is still not quite ready for cooperative play.

Differences Between Parallel Play and Associative Play

But don’t be surprised if you see him gradually move from parallel play to associative play during this stage as his social skills advance and he starts to understand, through watching and imitating those around him, how to work and play with others.^9,10,11 During associative play, he will begin interacting with his peers by playing side by side and sharing the same toys or talking about what the other children are doing.^7,9 For instance, two toddlers can play with pretend cookware and food at the same time next to one another, but they won’t necessarily be “cooking” a meal together. This is the key difference between associative play and cooperative play: children are sharing resources but not yet working together toward a common goal.¹¹

The Beginning Stages of Cooperative Behavior

While your child is interested in being with other children now, keep in mind that he may still be self-centered during group play. For example, let’s say your 3-year old nephew is sitting on the floor, banging a pot with a wooden spoon. You see your own child crawl over to his cousin and grab the spoon. Your nephew wants to include your child and tries to show him how to hit the pot with the spoon, but your child starts to howl his objections. In your child’s mind, he may have wanted to hit the pot himself, he may have wanted to play with the spoon in some other way, or he may have had an idea completely different from your nephew’s.

Although he is acting on his own self-interests, take comfort in knowing that by showing interest in what others are doing, your toddler is showing the beginning of cooperative behavior. To help this situation, try offering your child another spoon and pot so that he can copy your nephew’s play on his own. Or try sitting him next to your nephew and allowing them to pound on each others’ pots, letting them test out the ideas of sharing and cooperation. Using words like “we can play together” will help him understand that including people in his playtime can add interest and enjoyment for everyone involved.

Empathy for Others: The Key to Cooperation

To master the ability to play and work well with others, your child will also have to develop his Empathy for Others. Empathy stems from his sense of self.¹² Once your child is familiar with himself, how he moves, what feels good and what doesn’t, he will begin to recognize similar reactions in others and show concern for other’s feelings. He may hand you a favorite toy or pat your hand if you cry.¹³ He may look for an adult to help in response to another child’s distress. Or, he may offer up the last cookie if he took it away from another child and made her cry. Giving your child opportunities to play with other children of all ages will develop his Cooperation and increase Empathy for Others, as his observations will reinforce positive behaviors and help him understand other people’s feelings.

Your Toddler Learns Cooperative Skills From You

Finally, remember to always be the example you would like your child to follow. Use clear and simple language to let him know your expectations, and always put a name to feelings when resolving problems.¹³ Telling your child, “Owie, it hurts when you hit Mommy,” and even pretending to cry a little will show him how you feel, making him feel responsible for his own actions and giving him motivation to find the right solution to the situation.

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Play Tips:

Do you want to know how you can support your child’s development of Cooperation and Empathy for Others skills at this age? It’s easy! Read on for some simple tips to incorporate into your daily play time together.

1. Allow your child to participate in group play at his own pace.⁴ Allow your child to first observe group play. Then, when he’s ready to join, he will let you know by physically entering the group activity. Teach him how to approach others by saying, “Can I play with you?”
2. Model how to deal with conflict resolution. When problems arise between your child and another, recognize the feelings of both children and talk about how to behave appropriately. Help him see the point of view of the other child by talking about how he or she may be feeling. Teach your child how to say “I’m sorry.”
3. Read books about feelings and appropriate behavior in cooperation with friends.Teach your child about cooperation, sharing, and empathy by reading simple board books on these topics. Point out opportunities that allow him to share his toys with his friends during playtime. Be sure to reinforce his positive behaviors with praise and big hugs.

Developmental Milestones:

Has your baby achieved the following Cooperation and Empathy for Others developmental milestones yet? If yes, check off all the skill(s) she has already mastered to date using Playful Bee’s developmental milestones tracker. It’s absolutely FREE and easy to use, just click HERE!

• Plays next to others with occasional interaction.
• Likes being with other children.

Sources:

¹Quinlan, Erin. Encouraging Cooperation. Parents. Retrieved March 4, 2014, from http://www.http://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/development/behavioral/toddler-empathy/parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/development/behavioral/encouraging-cooperation/#comments.

²Zero to Three. Cooperation. Zero to Three: National Center for Infants, Toddlers, and Families. Retrieved February 20, 2014, from http://www.zerotothree.org/child-development/social-emotional-development/tips-on-helping-your-child-cooperate.html.

³Warneken, Felix, and Michael Tomasello (2007). Helping and Cooperation at 14 Months of Age. Infancy, 11(3), 271-294.

⁴Maryland State Department of Education (2010). Healthy Beginnings: Supporting Development and Learning from Birth through Three Years of Age.

⁵Rathus, S. A. (2011). Childhood and Adolescence: Voyages in Development. Belmont, CA: Wadsworth, Cengage Learning.

⁶Poole, Carla; Miller, Susan A.; and Church, Ellen Booth (2003). Ages & Stages: How Children Build Friendships. Scholastic. Retrieved February 20, 2014, from http://www.scholastic.com/browse/article.jsp?id=3747174.

⁷Gellens, Suzanne R. (2013). Building Brains. St. Paul, MN: Redleaf Press.

⁸Georgia Department of Early Care and Learning. Georgia Early Learning Standards: Birth through Age 5.

⁹Rhode Island Board of Education (2013). Rhode Island Learning and Development Standards.

¹⁰MInd Matters (2008). The Mirror Neuron Revolution: Explaining What Makes Humans Social. Scientific American: Mind Matters. Retrieved January 22, 2014, from http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-mirror-neuron-revolut/.

¹¹Perry, Susan (2008). Mirror Neurons. Brain Facts. Retrieved January 22, 2014 from http://www.brainfacts.org/Brain-Basics/Neuroanatomy/Articles/2008/Mirror-Neurons.

¹²Abedon, Emily Perlman. “Toddler Empathy.” American Baby. Retrieved February 19, 2014 from http://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/development/behavioral/toddler-empathy/.

¹³Illinois State Board of Education. For Children Birth to Age Three: Illinois Early Learning Guidelines.

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Playful Bee

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Playful Bee is an e-Preschool that delivers inquiry-based preschool learning from the classroom to your home. Our preschool curriculum was created by our talented team of rock star teachers. With years of hands-on preschool and Kindergarten teaching experience, they've developed a high-quality preschool experience that is convenient-to-use and easy-to-teach by you, grandparents, or your nanny at home.

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