As your baby grows older, you may find yourself in more situations where you need to leave her with a different caregiver. You may have found a daycare so you can return to work, or maybe you need a babysitter while you run errands or have a date night. However, at 12-18 months old, your baby may have started developing separation and/or stranger anxiety. Where is this coming from in your formerly outgoing child?

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Throughout your baby’s first year, she has been developing solid Attachment and Trust bonds with all of her primary caregivers.¹ Confident in these relationships and increasingly independent, she will begin to freely show affection to her favorite and closest people. Although her fondness and preference for you and other caregivers will warm your hearts, it may actually cause frustration as she becomes more clingy towards you and starts to experience stranger and separation anxiety.

Stranger anxiety starts to happen as your baby grows better at telling the difference between familiar and unfamiliar faces and becomes more fearful of faces she doesn’t know and begins to prefer those she knows well.^2,3 At 12-18 months, she may show this greater distrust of strangers by crying when she encounters a costumed character (e.g. Santa Clause or Mickey Mouse, anyone?), or appearing worried when introduced to a new adult, like a new babysitter.

Separation anxiety typically starts at around 6-7 months old with the beginning understanding of object permanence and peaks at around 9-12 months of age before slowly easing around 15-24 years old.^4,5 During this time, you may find your baby acting more clingy or fearful when you leave^1,3 or take her to new places. She may also become upset when she is left to sleep alone at bed time, dropped off at a new daycare, or left with grandma when you run errands.

Why does your baby experience separation anxiety? At this age, she is now fully aware that you are a person completely separate from her and that you still exist when you go away (Object Permanence). What makes her anxious is not knowing where you are or when you’ll come back.⁶ She doesn’t yet understand the concept of time, so when you go away or are out of sight, she doesn’t know where you’ve gone, when she can expect you back, or even if you will come back at all. These are all questions that can cause separation anxiety and fear in your baby, especially because her memory isn’t strong enough to recall past experiences (of you returning safely) and use that knowledge to understand the present situation. So the fact that you always come back may be of little or no meaning to her, and, therefore, no comfort.²

While it may be heart-wrenching for you to leave her in such a sad state, know that each time you separate, she will remember more and more strongly that you always return, and she will take comfort from that. Do what you can to help her understand and trust that you will safely return to her side. The more attached your baby feels and the more practice she has with the routine of separating from you, the faster she will pass through this stage of insecurity and doubt.

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Play Tips:

Do you want to know how you can support your baby’s development of these Attachment and Trust skills at this age? It’s easy! Read on for some simple tips to incorporate into your daily play time together.

1. Help your baby get acquainted with a new caregiver.¹ Let your caregiver know how to best respond to your baby’s needs. Provide information on her favorite objects and toys so that your caregiver can help break the ice by introducing similar toys.
2. Develop a pleasant and simple goodbye routine. Establish a positive separation routine for your baby to count on and use it consistently. When you leave her, be sure to stay calm and confident that she will be fine while you’re gone and give her a warm hug good-bye before leaving. Let her know that you will return shortly and follow through in returning when you say you will. Over time, she will learn to trust your safe return when you leave her for a little while.⁷
3. Encourage your baby to travel with a familiar toy. In new situations, she may be scared of the unknown. To help her relax in these situations, let her attach and relate to a familiar object or toy, such as a favorite teddy bear or blanket. These familiar objects will work wonders in giving your baby comfort and support.

Developmental Milestones:

Has your baby achieved the following Attachment and Trust developmental milestones yet? If yes, check off all the skill(s) she has already mastered to date using Playful Bee’s developmental milestones tracker. It’s absolutely FREE and easy to use, just click HERE!

• May cling to familiar adults in new situations.
• Shows affection to familiar people (e.g. gives hugs and kisses).

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Sources:

¹Maryland State Department of Education (2010). Healthy Beginnings: Supporting Development and Learning from Birth through Three Years of Age.

²BabyWeekly. Separation Anxiety. BabyWeekly. Retrieved February 12, 2014, from http://www.parentingweekly.com/baby/baby_information/separation_anxiety.htm.

³Nevada Office of Early Care and Education and Nevada Department of Education (2011). Nevada Infant and Toddler Early Learning Guidelines.

⁴BabyCenter Medical Advisory Board. Separation Anxiety. BabyCenter. Retrieved February 12, 2014 from http://www.babycenter.com/0_separation-anxiety_145.bc?page=1.

⁵Santrock, John (2008). A Topical Approach to Life-Span Development (6th ed.). New York, NY: McGraw-Hill.

⁶Greene, Alan (2013). Separation Anxiety A-to-Z Guide from Diagnosis to Treatment to Prevention. Dr. Greene. Retrieved February 11, 2014, from http://www.drgreene.com/articles/separation-anxiety/.

⁷Pendley, Jennifer S. (2012). Separation Anxiety. KidsHealth. Retrieved February 12, 2014 from http://www.babycenter.com/0_separation-anxiety_145.bc?page=1.

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Playful Bee

Education Team at Playful Bee

Playful Bee is an e-Preschool that delivers inquiry-based preschool learning from the classroom to your home. Our preschool curriculum was created by our talented team of rock star teachers. With years of hands-on preschool and Kindergarten teaching experience, they've developed a high-quality preschool experience that is convenient-to-use and easy-to-teach by you, grandparents, or your nanny at home.

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