From 2-3 years of age, may become stubborn to follow your instructions. He may refuse to stop playing with his toys to get dressed, or he may stubbornly refuse your help after he puts his shoes on wrong.^1,2 Don’t be surprised if he has these or other strong preferences at this stage.³  This is a sign that he’s developed a pretty strong sense of his Self-Concept and his budding independence.

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Stubbornness is not the only trait you’ll see at this stage! Because he has increased self-awareness and wants to try new things and be more independent, you may find him more eager to help out with his own needs. For instance, he will become better at dressing and undressing himself and may also start showing an interest in toilet training, even though he may not be fully ready for regular toilet use.

Potty training can be either an exhilarating victory or a miserable failure for parents, depending upon how it is approached. Build potty time into your child’s daily routine, even if it’s just a trip to the bathroom to watch you use it. At each transition time, go to the potty together and consider reading toilet training board books to him as he sits on the potty. Even if your toddler is not going through the full motions yet, taking regular trips to the bathroom will begin to get him used to this new routine. Be sure to praise every trip to the potty and offer reassurance and support rather than shame and disappointment if he’s not successful.

Toddlers in the process of figuring out how to be independent are at a delicate stage, not only in the area of potty training! He may eventually ask for your help when he gets stumped by a particular task, like zipping a coat or putting on a shoe, but more likely, he will try his hardest to figure it out on his own now, which could lead to trouble of some sort: a mess, a delay, etc. When this happens, be careful not to bluntly criticize or take over his efforts, as that can lead to feelings of doubt and embarrassment.^4,5 At the same time, he still shouldn’t be climbing on the glass coffee table!

Use your best judgement, and when your child does need help, be aware of the words you use to correct him. Give specific feedback so that he can understand exactly what you are trying to tell him. For instance, don’t tell your two-year-old he is being “bad” because he may think that you are calling him, and not his behavior, bad.⁶ He may not understand how the word applies to the situation, or worse, he may come to wrongly believe that he is a “bad” kid. Instead, make statements like “You spilled water on the floor. Please use two hands to hold the cup” or “Please don’t touch the plate; it is very hot.” When you are specific with your language, your toddler can better understand why his actions were inappropriate or unsuccessful and how he can correct them moving forward.

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Play Tips:

Do you want to know how you can support your child’s development of Self-Concept skills at this age? It’s easy! Read on for some simple tips to incorporate into your daily play time together.

1. Ask your child to help out with routine daily chores in a meaningful way. Toddlers are really interested in helping out at this age, and they crave meaningful work.⁵ By letting your child do age-appropriate chores, you are telling him that you believe in his abilities and that he is valuable to your household. If he is trying a new task, model the action, if necessary, and let him observe and mimic you to learn on his own.¹ While you want to be there to offer support as needed, give him the time to figure things out on his own.⁷ This will not only help him practice whatever he’s working on, but it will also build his persistence, resilience, and problem-solving skills. Be sure to encourage all efforts, even if unsuccessful.^7,8
2. Encourage toilet training efforts.⁹ Offer support and praise your child’s toilet training attempts. Have him spend time on the potty, even if he doesn’t leave anything behind, to get him comfortable there. You can even read books together in the bathroom, to make potty time a good experience. If your child has an accident, don’t call it an “accident,” but rather a “miss” that can be managed next time. In addition, try not to make him feel bad or ashamed about “misses.”¹⁰ Stay positive so that he does not associate toilet training with negative thoughts and experiences. Consider using incentives, like a sticker board, to motivate him to go to the potty. And if he continues to have “misses,” think about taking a break and starting fresh in a few months as he may not be ready for potty training quite yet. (See “The Ins and Outs of Potty Training.”)

Developmental Milestones:

Has your baby achieved the following Self-Concept developmental milestones yet? If yes, check off all the skill(s) she has already mastered to date using Playful Bee’s developmental milestones tracker. It’s absolutely FREE and easy to use, just click HERE!

• Dresses and undresses self with assistance.

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Sources:

¹Maryland State Department of Education (2010). Healthy Beginnings: Supporting Development and Learning from Birth through Three Years of Age.

²California Department of Education (2009). California Infant/Toddler Learning and Development Foundations.

³Hoecker, Jay L. M.D. Terrible Twos: Why are 2-Year-Olds so Difficult? Mayo Clinic. Retrieved February 21, 2014, from http://www.mayoclinic.org/terrible-twos/expert-answers/faq-20058314.

⁴Erikson, E. H. (1963). Childhood and Society (2nd ed.). New York, NY: W. W. Norton.

⁵Mooney, Carol Garhart (2000). Theories of Childhood: An Introduction to Dewey, Montessori, Erikson, Piaget, and Vygotsky. St Paul, MN: Redleaf Press.

⁶American Family Physician (2002). How to Teach Good Behavior: Tips for Parents. American Academy of Family Physcians. Retrieved February 21, 2014, from http://www.aafp.org/afp/2002/1015/p1463.html.

⁷Zero to Three. Persistence. Zero to Three: National Center for Infants, Toddlers, and Families. Retrieved February 20, 2014, from http://main.zerotothree.org/site/PageServer?pagename=ter_key_social_persistent&AddInterest=1157.

⁸Healthy Children (2013). Building Resilience on Children. American Academy of Pediatrics: Healthy Children. Retrieved February 20, 2014, from http://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/emotional-wellness/pages/Building-Resilience-in-Children.aspx.

⁹Mayo Clinic (2011). Potty Training: How to Get the Job Done. Mayo Clinic. Retrieved February 21, 2014, from http://www.mayoclinic.org/potty-training/art-20045230.

¹⁰Gross-Loh, Christine (2009). The Diaper Free Baby. New York, NY: HarperCollins Publishers.

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Playful Bee

Education Team at Playful Bee

Playful Bee is an e-Preschool that delivers inquiry-based preschool learning from the classroom to your home. Our preschool curriculum was created by our talented team of rock star teachers. With years of hands-on preschool and Kindergarten teaching experience, they've developed a high-quality preschool experience that is convenient-to-use and easy-to-teach by you, grandparents, or your nanny at home.

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